Erm...

What is it about some people? I'm dead sick and tired of walking on eggshells, trying to read everyone's moods. I don't know what it is about me that forces me to do it in the first place, but Goddamn...I mean...why should I have to suffer through a day of awkward silence and derisive laughing simply because you're having a bad day? I'm very sorry you don't have any weed and you couldn't mooch any from anyone, but gimme a fuckin' break! I don't want to have to work under a sort of "us against them" mentality, but that's exactly what it's turning into. For God's sake, what makes one human being call another human being a dirtbag and expect absolutely no repercussions?
That being said, I have a spectacular list of worries this week. For one, there never seems to be enough money to go around. I always think I'll have enough this time, but I never do. Jobs are incredibly scarce right now, and still we're going ahead with our plan to move. (I may have a job waiting for me out there, but I try not to count my chickens) California is burning and, selfishly I suppose, all I can think about is whether I and my loved ones will be alright and if it's the end of the world. If it is, I'm fucked, because I'm still legally married and so is Dean. I'm always worried that I'll end up in hell, and then I find myself wondering if there is a Heaven or hell (I can't believe I'm actually committing this to print), which I suppose would send me to hell all on its own. I pray every night, but the fear of eternal damnation is omnipresent. I suppose I can blame my quasi-Catholic upbringing for that. I'm getting incredible headaches, I'm assuming from all the smoke in the air, and they make me nearly unfit to work. I can't, however, call in sick, because I enjoy a job where anyone who calls in sick is instantly subject to criticism, disbelief, and endless amounts of backbiting. The high school-style shit-talking and two-facedness (enough to give Janus a fucking neckache) are at an amazing degree. I can't say that I've never taken part in it, but I can proudly say that I've never said a word against those on whom one would only find a single face. I'm trying hard not to make my job the center of my universe, but it's not easy when I'm there five days a week.
I supposed all I can do is keep my own side of the street clean, to quote a phrase I learned long ago, and count my blessings. My family kicks ass, my boyfriend is the coolest person on the planet, and I've got 30 gigs of beautiful at the end of my headphones.